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Re: [IP] Food Attitudes

On 1 Dec 2000, at 7:55, Bonnie Richardson wrote:

>  SNIP>>>>>Date: Thu, 30 Nov 2000 13:07:27 -0800
> From: "wombn" <email @ redacted>
> Subject: RE: [IP]square waving and dual waving
>  You said: I sure wish I could follow a more rigid plan, but in the 20 years
> since I left my mom, I've not been able to follow any kind of 
> consistency regarding food.
> I hate food.  I hate cooking.  I hate grocery shopping.  I hate 
> cleaning up..... I hate *eating*.  No, I don't have an eating disorder, 
> but I've always hated every aspect of it.  I'm lucky to just be able to 
> eat at least once a day.  It kinda sucks.>>>>>>SNIP
> Dear Wombn, 
> I am so curious as to how you emerged with your attitude.  (Sorry, the
> Psychology degree still comes out sometime). I am very envious of your
> attitude about food.  

> I am a true carbohydrate addict and  how I wish I had your attitude. Mine is
> exactly opposite.   What was your childhood like about food that created
> this attitude?
Well, first I must say that I am also a carb addict.  Big time.

I remember my mom and I fighting over food when I was a teen.  
She'd want me to eat some kind of breakfast and I'd resist cuz I 
just wasn't *hungry*.  The only thing she could get into me was 
Carnation Instant Breakfast. This was back in the mid-to-late 70's 
before Ensure.

If I did have cereal, I put a whole ton of sugar in it.  So that there'd 
be a layer of sugar sludge at the bottom when I finished the cereal.  
(My way of motivating myself to eat the cereal).

As an adult, I'd eat the exact same TV dinner every night for 
*years*.  When that company stopped producing that particular TV 
dinner, I found another one and ate that for years.

Most times, I'd eat only once a day, a very large meal with mostly 
carbs & fat.  Very little protein.  And I'd frequently pig out on potato 

RARELY any veggies.  Only when I ate with someone else.  And 
usually then only salads.

I've never particularly liked meats unless they're cooked Just So.  
And I generally dislike chicken and most fish.

I used to wait to eat until I had the shakes.

When I was depressed, I ate even less.  Or if I did, it was 

Then finally, came Ensure.  And I'd drink that 2-3 times a day, plus 
my one huge fat/carb meal (Marie Calendar's fettucini alfredo).

Nicotine has also always been a way of blunting that annoying 

My thinness may be enviable, but it was at the cost of extremely 
poor nutrition.

It's actually probably more an effect of depression than anything 
else.  When I'm in a depressive episode, ALL aspects of self-care 
are tossed out the window.  Whether it's taking a shower or 
sleeping when I'm supposed to what-have-you.

Then last year, before diagnosis, I lost enormous amounts of 
weight and forced myself to eat >3000 cals a day (most of it 
sugary).  I was miserable.

When I was diagnosed (erroneously) as T2 and was put on oral 
meds, it was my wake-up call.  I went extremely low carb with half 
of it being veggies and the rest being meat (remember, I tend to 
dislike meat).  

The carb withdrawals I went through for a month was horrendous.  
I'd skulk around the kitchen searching for any tiny bit of sugar.  I 
had an "empty" jar of chocolate fudge topping in the fridge that I'd 
scrap 1/2 a teaspoon out of every day.  Boy, was I pissed when 
hubby decided it was empty and threw it away!!  

I still have trouble making myself eat.  The diabetes hasn't helped 
any.  It's a disincentive to eat so I'm still struggling.  

So a year later, I'm still struggling to regain the weight I lost when 
the diabetes was coming on.

An interesting thing to note is the difference between my brother 
and I.  We were born in south america in the 60's--my dad's job 
had him traipsing through the rain forests down there.  My parents 
were "rich" according to the local economy, but didn't have money 
for luxury items such as white sugar and our nanny (a local) didn't 
really have the concept of luxury food in her vocabulary anyway 
since she'd never earned enough in her life to be able to afford it, so 
she simply didn't feed us anything like that. 

As a result, my brother didn't even *taste* sugary, highly 
processed items until we moved to the States when he was 3 
years old and I was 9 months old.  

He has never craved sugar and I always have.
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