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[IP] Update

                              - - Answer - - 
         December 15, 1998     2:13pm   MAIL IS -
   FROM: Gloria Ross, M.D.               Private     
     TO: Emily Miggins                   
SUBJECT: [IP] Update                     

Emily, I am a clinical psychologist who also wears a pump.  If you ever want 
or need to email privately, that's fine. email @ redacted  I admire your 
willingness to confront these issues with honesty.

                               - - Mail - - 
         December 15, 1998    10:24am   MAIL IS -
   FROM: Emily Miggins                   Private     
     TO: GLORIAR                         
SUBJECT: [IP] Update                     


Thanks everyone for all the insight and sage counsel.

I have been with Dan for more than a year, and he has been there for me with 
the diabetes no doubt.  I have thought many a time this is 'the person I am 
going to marry'.  But as many of you have pointed out-- he is scared and wants
nothing but perfection from me and my disease.

I picked him up late last night at the airport-- not a word was exchanged.

He woke up before me this morning and I had forwarded him bits and pieces of 
some of what you all collectively wrote to me about my letter to myself.

Needless to say he is furious.  He very firmly asked that I stop fwding him 
email from people he does not know.

Then as we road the train he never spoke to me.  On arriving in the city I ran
after him to give him a peck on the cheek goodbye.

He told me "I should listen to the advice of all my emailing friends".  He 
walked away.

Well. the stress of all this is complete havoc on my system, and its not fair 
to me or him.

I have to find the courage to let him go-- because I am not going to be his 
version of perfection.  It is impossible for me to promise that I can be 
perfect.  The absolute stress/fear of messing up dooms me to screwing up.
I simply cannot live under these pressures on top of everything else in daily 

The worst part of it all is that because I am so wrong in his eyes right now--
I will never be heard.  Maybe someday.

Thanks again.  I have laughed and cried at some of your messages regarding 
this whole deal.  I never thought I would dare to forward private thoughts and
communications like that.  But to tell you the truth it has been a bit of a 

18 years of diabetes and I have never been allowed to burden others with what 
is happening to me, my thoughts, my feelings, my sadness-- my victories.  It 
has been a relief to know I am not alone in my experiences.

Thank you.

ReThinking Paper,
Emily Miggins 

---------------------------------------------------------- Insulin-Pumpers 
website http://www.insulin-pumpers.org/ 

Insulin-Pumpers website http://www.insulin-pumpers.org/