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Thanks everyone for all the insight and sage counsel.
I have been with Dan for more than a year, and he has been there for me
with the diabetes no doubt. I have thought many a time this is 'the person
I am going to marry'. But as many of you have pointed out-- he is scared
and wants nothing but perfection from me and my disease.
I picked him up late last night at the airport-- not a word was exchanged.
He woke up before me this morning and I had forwarded him bits and pieces
of some of what you all collectively wrote to me about my letter to myself.
Needless to say he is furious. He very firmly asked that I stop fwding him
email from people he does not know.
Then as we road the train he never spoke to me. On arriving in the city I
ran after him to give him a peck on the cheek goodbye.
He told me "I should listen to the advice of all my emailing friends". He
Well. the stress of all this is complete havoc on my system, and its not
fair to me or him.
I have to find the courage to let him go-- because I am not going to be his
version of perfection. It is impossible for me to promise that I can be
perfect. The absolute stress/fear of messing up dooms me to screwing up.
I simply cannot live under these pressures on top of everything else in
The worst part of it all is that because I am so wrong in his eyes right
now-- I will never be heard. Maybe someday.
Thanks again. I have laughed and cried at some of your messages regarding
this whole deal. I never thought I would dare to forward private thoughts
and communications like that. But to tell you the truth it has been a bit
of a relief.
18 years of diabetes and I have never been allowed to burden others with
what is happening to me, my thoughts, my feelings, my sadness-- my
victories. It has been a relief to know I am not alone in my experiences.
Insulin-Pumpers website http://www.insulin-pumpers.org/