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[IP] Wow- Dan responds to a ltr. to myself

From: "Dan J.
Subject: Re: a ltr. to myself
To: email @ redacted

Letter to myself,

The night that Emily moved into her house was filled with emotions. We
worked very hard to move everything in, and didn't have any food to eat. We
were tired. Emily tested her blood - around 40. I asked her if she ate a
glucose tab would she be ok for the night - she said yes. I asked her to
eat two. We went to sleep. That night, about 3 a.m., I found Emily in my
arms, sweating profusely, shaking,
 incoherent. I couldn't revive her. Couldn't get a reading on the
glucometer - too low I guess. No phone to call 911, no food/liquid in the
house. Luckily, cell phone worked. Paramedics came, stuck many needles in
Em. The one they sent through her neck worked, she came around.

After that night I learned a very valuable lesson:

 exercise + no food = coma. Simple.

After seeing Dr. Masharani with Emily a few weeks later, he said that she
wouldn't ever have a low again under his care. But he can only advise,
Emily has to do it.

So it happens again. Why? Simple (see equation above), too much exercise,
not enough food. Why did this happen? Can only think of three reasons:

1) Too stupid to understand equation above
2) Let's herself go low on purpose for the attention (subconsciously)
3) Doesn't care

Any of the above would be unacceptable to me. So what gives? No idea, but
must understand.


P.S. - To your points below:

never said you have mentality of 8 year old. Said an 8 year old would have
these types of problems, because an 8 year old doesn't yet have the
reasoning capacity to understand how to control lows.

Becoming hard to emphasize with  "something frightening happening" to you
when you bring it on your self. If you want someone to coddle you every
time you "forget" or "skip" something, that's not me. Yeah, it sucks. Yeah,
I have no idea what it's like. But I know that if I had it, I would be
responsible about it. Yes, that means recording, learning, and testing -
even if it's every fucking 10 minu
tes. No, that does not mean halting your life - my cousin has had type one
a lot longer than you, and he keeps his bg stable - AND he has a demanding,
full time job, two kids, etc. Dr. Masharani laughed at you when you said
that you were a "brittle" diabetic. So stop making excuses for yourself.

Your assumption that "these terrible mistakes just happen" is ridiculous!
Is that like a child abuser saying, hey mistakes happen, I'll try harder

I never said your disease was "stupid" - it's not. It just is. So deal with
it. Not 90%, but 110%. It's your life. Your house means nothing. Your job
means nothing. You are everything - why don't you understand that?

your last paragraph:

 "Is this the way it is supposed to be?  I have no clue, I just assume I
should go hard at myself, and let him kick me harder and harder if he
wants.  I assume that this is what I deserve.  But is it?"

Nice try. No more letting you divert from the truth. I treat you well,
always have. I am telling you the truth now, and if you can't handle that
at age 29 - I feel terribly sorry for you. Enough excuses - either you do
it or you don't. But don't play sad sack for me, and don't put it on me for
"kicking you around." The door is right there, if you can't deal with this
perspective from me, it's prob
ably best you use it. No hard feelings here.


P.S. - I can get a cab home tonight. I understand that you are probably
feeling weak from your episode yesterday, so if you're not going to be at
the airport, just please leave me a message on my vm :408-947-5536, and
I'll cab it.


ReThinking Paper,
Emily Miggins

Insulin-Pumpers website http://www.insulin-pumpers.org/