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[IP] teen mom feeling sorry for one's self
First, every frustration you are feeling is a just and understandable emotion.
Everything your son is feeling is a just and understandable emotion.
Facing your own mortality when you are a teen is not within the bounds of
"average" for this age group. So guess what, these kids have every right to be
angry, mad, frustrated and desirous of running away from daily life. It is
wrong to think that a child should understand and accept Diabetes just
because it is their reality. They do not accept the reality that the laundry
basket was meant to hold the dirty clothes, not be a monument standing
freestyle in the bathroom. Why should we expect them to be complacent and
accepting of Diabetes.
Their first instinct will be to fight this rotten hand they have been dealt.
How else can a child or teen fight a faceless enemy that they cannot beat? By
refusing to acknowledge it's existence by denying it. It does not matter when
a child is diagnosed. They will have times that they are okay with Diabetes
and roll with the punches. Other times they will do everything they can to
fight it and the fight is unfortunately self destructive. Eventually maturity
and a deeper understanding of the fact "life is not always fair to everyone"
will lead to their greater acceptance of their life as it must be. I am sure
some teens come to this point early and others fight the battle long into
their adult years. Every individual is different and every life's thread is
The advise that I can give you from a mom who could have written your post
several times over the years is to be the strong one and pick up the pieces
when he cannot. He is not crazy or bad...just so tired of this life. I have
actually told my daughter that she can hate me if she wants for sometimes
treating her like a small child. I can live with that. I cannot live with her
future a daily struggle with all the complications that this illness brings.
Between the two I will take her anger over her quality of life. She is not
bad, the illness is.
When she shows signs of wanting to blow the hole thing off I check her meter
daily, write every food down and check every carb count. But, life goes around
as usual and she remembers to love me again and becomes self reliant and
responsible. Her memory even returns.
The only other thing I can suggest is to continue the counseling but dump the
dip you have. Why under this big earth would a counselor not put the Diabetes
right out front of the kid's problems and extending to your problems? Because
he does not know one iota about Diabetic kids. Find a counselor for kids that
deals with chronic illnesses. We did this for Sara when she was 10. Yeah, she
hit bottom at that age big time. Realization this was not going away and
teasing by another kid at school just were more than she could handle alone.
I found a psychologist for kids with chronic illnesses. It made such a
difference for Sara. No meds or anything weird. Just talk. When I asked Sara
one day if this was making her feel better she said it was. I asked why. Her
answer, "I can say things to her that I can't say to anyone else and she won't
tell." Nothing more than the ability to just say how angry and scared she was
and know it went no further, no judgments or big protracted conversations.
Just a quiet listener. In a little while she was improving and by the end of
summer she was fine.
Sara is now 16 and I can still see how those few months of a safe sounding
board have helped her deal with this illness. She fights now, but by setting
very tough goals for herself and beating them. It is her way of giving
Diabetes a great big raspberry. She wears her pump with pride at school and at
the swimming pool. She knows she is tougher than most and is proud of it. She
still occasionally tells us the wrong blood sugar, eats something weird and
tries to guess the carbs instead of asking for help or looking it up, swears
she changed her site three days ago and I know it was five. But she also put
off her summer reading and paper until the last 2 weeks before school. Seems
pretty normal for a teen to me. I would also take her back to the same
psychologist if necessary if I thought she was depressed and not just a pain
in the butt teen.
By writing to this group you have shown you are a mom willing to take the
tougher but better road for your child's health. You are doing the right
Pam, mom to Sara
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