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Re: [IP] Babies - The hard way or the easy way

In a message dated 8/29/00 10:23:01 PM US Mountain Standard Time, 
email @ redacted writes:

<< My husband and I have spent many hours discussing
 children and how to bring them into our lives.  I am
 curious as to if any of you have adopted? Did you have
 any problems because you were diabetic?  What was the
 process like?   >>

I'm assuming that "the hard way" is adoption, and the "easy way" is a 
pregnancy, but that's because I'm looking at it from an adoptive parent's 

We adopted our daughter Kelsey when she was four days old. She's nine years 
old now and just starting 4th grade.  She's a wonderful, bright, happy, 
intelligent girl, who keeps us jumping constantly.  She's very healthy, but 
also has ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).  We've spent much 
time and effort on learning basic skills like math and reading, using tutors, 
and at least 3 hrs a night working with me on homework that takes the other 
kids 30 minutes. The intelligence is there, she just is so easily distracted 
and always thinking of 10 things at once.  But, my husband also had/has ADHD 
and if she were born to us naturally, she could easily have this same 

The intrusion into your life of the adoption study is quite intensive.  Each 
state is different, and different things still are required of foreign 
adoptions.  An adoption worker will check out every aspect of your life, 
including your health.  At the time of Kelsey's adoption I had been diabetic 
for 10 years and was in as good of control as you can be on four shots a day, 
but was far from healthy. We had just moved to Arizona and both had temporary 
jobs and no health insurance and I had no regular doctor, I had been managing 
my D myself.  So I went to an "Urgent Care" doctor, told him my D was under 
great control, took a shot of regular timed to peak during my appt, drank 
lots of water, and passed the urine dip test with no sugar showing.  He 
either believed me or felt sorry for me, or didn't care.  He filled out the 
form stating I was in good health and didn't mention the diabetes.  I never 
brought it up to any adoption workers.

Mountains of paperwork is filled out, asking everything about you from your 
finances, to your family relationships, your religious views, your discipline 
techniques, your house and its suitabilty for a child, your feelings about 
minorities, your plans for the future, it goes on and on.  You will be 
fingerprinted and run thru the national FBI computer to make sure you're not 
a criminal.  There are home studies where the social worker inspects your 
home, several before placement, and several after.

Ours is an open adoption and the birthmother knows our names and where we 
live.  She approached us originally asking if we would adopt her baby, she 
was 15, and we went thru a lawyer so all the paperwork was in order.  This 
arrangement has worked out fine until just recently.  She had moved out of 
state.  She moved back about a year ago and contacted us a few months ago.  
She has two other children and she is very needy emotionally and wants to "be 
a part of our family". She has moved within a mile of our home.  I am now 
constantly watching my back and Kelsey's, we have our home up for sale so we 
can move further from her.

When we adopted Kelsey, my bgs ranged from 40 to 400 every day and I didn't 
feel like I could have a successful pregnancy.  My husband is sterile so 
there's no chance of a whoops baby.  Now, 10 years later, at 39 years old, 
I've been pumping 4 years and I am trying to get pregnant by artificial 
insemination.  I'm getting close to too old, but I'm so much healthier than I 
was 10 years ago.

I'll tell you afterwards which was harder, but from my perspective now that 
pregnancy sounds easier.

Best of luck whichever route you go,
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