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Re: [IP] Re: Need serious help

> > concerns me gravely that someone WANTS THEIR BODY TO QUIT MAKING

I *am* a Type I (not typical TI) diabetic now, but still make just enough to
disqualify me for my insurance. I was diagnosed for a while as a Type II
(after several years of being a pre-teen type I).  I don't want my pancreas
(which is quitting making insulin regardless of my not wanting it to!) to
die off quicker than it already is, I merely want the C-Peptide to show up
so horribly low that they realize that I need my pump supplies covered. I
want a happy functional pancreas, I just want a test result to show I need
Fluffy (my pump) based on someone elses standards.

I fought tooth and nail to get Fluffy and to give Fluffy up means giving up
too much for me to handle. Dawn, no offense meant, but please don't tell me
to be grateful for insulin my body makes when it's useless in doing it's
intended job and doesn't get accepted by own own cells.I am not even insulin
resistant, I simply make useless amounts of bad insulin. I've been diabetic
most of my life, watched this dang disease slowly and painfully kill and
mutilate my whole family off one by one and yes, I hate it. I hate that
because my pancreas still tries (silly pancreas!) to compensate, I will be
punished by government bureacrats.

 I pray nightly that I will make enough working insulin on my own to not
need a pump or hypoglycemic agents, but I have a pump now and for me, that's
enough. I also am "at risk" for a crisis episode if I lose my pump and will
see if my therapist can help me fight to keep it as suggested by many
concerned IP-ers who do understand what living with D is like. I'm gonna try
to aviod carbs like the plague until my C-Peptide on the 23rd.. I use a
Disteronic pump and use Sof-sets infusion sets for those who wished to know.

I was simply asking for advice on how to "fix" a C-peptide and give myself a
better chance at being .5 if once again I wind up at .8. I should not be
"yelled at" for asking for help or sharing my frustration and fears for
myself, my sanity, my husband who loves me with my diabetes, and our future
kids (that will never ever be conceived without a pump).I had finally gotten
my diabetes so under control I was functioning hormonally again, no
depression, no cuts or negative thoughts about hurting myself in 6 mth,
amdhopeful,  and I find I will face my personal "triggers" again
(self-inflicted pain and out of control diabetes), try to understand that,
please. I hope no diabetic child ever wants to hurt themselves b/c they are
not perfect bodied and hurt so much b/c their parents and grandparents died
due to D and are angry that they are not like most people. Having a pump
made me more normal and mentally (not even to mention the vast physical
improvements) healthier and I can't give up now that I know how I should
feel and want to feel! I want to be healthy and happy and for me, that means
not giving myself as many as 10 shots a day on a bad day to normalize my bg
and 5 mentally traumatic (for me) shots on a good day.


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