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[IP] Re: insulin-pumpers-digest V7 #196

Oh my god! All you people sound just like me!  I've had this disease for
almost 23 yrs and throughout all that time, I have felt all alone.  I
knew no one else with T1, every Dr I visited acted as if I was the worst
and I was a waste of their time, no matter what I did or how hard I
tried, it seemed to be wrong, people in general acted indifferent to me,
my disease, my financial problems at having to deal with, and all the
things I had to do for this disease.  Believe me, I beat myself up pretty
bad on a continual basis.  Of course, that only mad things worse because
that brought on the low self esteem, the anger at everything and
everybody and the depression.  Then one day I had an appt with a new
Endo, which I almost didn't keep because I just didn't feel like being
made to feel like a loser......... again, but since I had forgot to
cancel ahead of time, I felt guilty at not keeping the appt, so
begrudingly I went.  Can ! you imagine the surprise I felt and how the
weight of all those yrs of bad feelings seemed to lift off, when this
magnificent man told me how great I was doing and that just the fact that
I was alive and trying my best to deal with one of the most
difficult, misunderstood, expensive and virtually unknown diseases, was
proof positive that I was doing something right.  Wow, that was so

One thing he did tell me and he was right about, was that I was wasting
too much time and energy trying to measure up to eveyone else.  No one
else gets it any better than me, it just sounds that way to my bruised
ears.  All of us go through the same things for the most part at one time
or another.  He also said I was fighting the diabetes instead of
accepting it, which was working against me, as soon as I accepted what I
could not change and what would not go away, then I could start to deal
with it without all the anger, which would put it in a new perspective. 
And as far as all those know-it-alls who are actually clueless, those
that want to give you a hassle and make you feel useless and
worthless about this disease, forget about them, they don't matter and
should have no place in our lives, no matter who they are!  I know that
sound harsh, but we have too much to live for and way too much to do to
give any merrit to those kind! of people.

Now don't get me wrong, I HATE this disease, but when I tried what he
said and rearranged my way of thinking, it made things so much easier.  I
no longer beat myself up if I have a less that perfect BS reading nor do
I feel like I have to explain or make excuses, I just make whatever
correction is needed and get on with life.  It's not the end of the world
if I forget to enter things in my log book, forget on occassion to test
when I should or even eat something I or someone else thinks I
shouldn't.  I just try my best, do whats needed to remedy the situation
and get on with it.  As a result, my BSs are better than they have ever
been (though they are still not perfect, only close about 60% of the
time), I am happier and so is my loving and supportive family, and I am
not acting as much like the ass as I used to, which of course makes
everyone in my path a hole lot happier.  Since my Endo is a T1 on a pump,
I decided I better listen! and I'm so glad I did.

The moral of this long winded story: RELAX, ACCEPT, DEAL, LIVE, LOVE,

>Date: Tue, 8 Apr 2003 14:15:59 -0500 >From: "Kelby Liv Simison"
>Subject: [IP] Hating Diabetes > >I am an occasional contributor to this
posting. I read it every day, and it >is amazing how much better I feel
when I see other people going through the >same diabetes obstacles I go
through. > >Recently, things have been pretty rough, though. I am 25,
dx'd at 22 with >T1, and have been pumping for a year and a half. I have
a good support >group, my mom dx'd with T2 4 years ago, my boyfriend who
has tried to induce >hypoglycemia on himself so he knows how I feel, and
my diabetic specialist >endocrinologist. Even with what I consider
phenomenal support, I feel >alone. I feel like this disease (which isn't
so bad next to colon cancer or >AIDS) has a tight grip around every part
of my body and every time I think I >have things under control, I am
constantly slapped in the face with some >other consequence of being
diabetic. I want to apply to veterinary school >this fall, but how can I
get that far if I can't even control this stupid >disease that so many
people seem to control so well. > >Since I was dx'd, I was using maybe
12-14 units of insulin a day, but in >January it went up to me using
almost 25-30 units a day. That is DOUBLE. I >randomly get extremely high
high's (>400) and it seems like for no reason. I >get really moody/cranky
for no reason. Sometimes I cry for no reason... and >I even exercise at
least 4x a week. I have been seeing a counselor because >I know there is
depression involved, but it is so hard because it is the >same stuff over
and over. Then I read the web postings, and I see so many >people happy
or comfortable or even just able to deal with being diabetic. >I feel so
hopeless that I will ever be able to even deal with diabetes. > >I try to
take it day to day, meditating and thinking that if I wanted >control
over this I could get it. But, I just can't. I feel totally out of
>control. > >Thank you for listening. It helps to write. Kelby ;0) >From:
email @ redacted >Subject: Re: [IP] Hating Diabetes >From: "leann
marcucci" >Subject: [IP] Hating Diabetes >From: email @ redacted
>Subject: Re: [IP] Hating Diabetes >From: Sue K >Subject: Re: [IP] Hating
Diabetes >


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