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[IP] Hating Diabetes

I am an occasional contributor to this posting. I read it every day, and it
is amazing how much better I feel when I see other people going through the
same diabetes obstacles I go through.

Recently, things have been pretty rough, though. I am 25, dx'd at 22 with
T1, and have been pumping for a year and a half.  I have a good support
group, my mom dx'd with T2 4 years ago, my boyfriend who has tried to induce
hypoglycemia on himself so he knows how I feel, and my diabetic specialist
endocrinologist.  Even with what I consider phenomenal support, I feel
alone. I feel like this disease (which isn't so bad next to colon cancer or
AIDS) has a tight grip around every part of my body and every time I think I
have things under control, I am constantly slapped in the face with some
other consequence of being diabetic. I want to apply to veterinary school
this fall, but how can I get that far if I can't even control this stupid
disease that so many people seem to control so well.

Since I was dx'd, I was using maybe 12-14 units of insulin a day, but in
January it went up to me using almost 25-30 units a day. That is DOUBLE. I
randomly get extremely high high's (>400) and it seems like for no reason. I
get really moody/cranky for no reason. Sometimes I cry for no reason... and
I even exercise at least 4x a week.  I have been seeing a counselor because
I know there is depression involved, but it is so hard because it is the
same stuff over and over. Then I read the web postings, and I see so many
people happy or comfortable or even just able to deal with being diabetic.
I feel so hopeless that I will ever be able to even deal with diabetes.

I try to take it day to day, meditating and thinking that if I wanted
control over this I could get it. But, I just can't. I feel totally out of

Thank you for listening. It helps to write. Kelby ;0)
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