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Re: [IP] Vent Over Due (long)


Thank you so much for your very thoughtful and articulate "vent" on this
subject!  It touched my heart greatly, and stirred emotions in me that I have
shoved down for years.   I was dxd T1 nearly 33 years ago, just after my 11th
birthday, and didn't start pumping until shortly after I turned 25.  While, in
the intervening 18+ years since starting the pump, I have become a bit more
"relaxed", I still tend to be pretty structured and somewhat rigid in how I
function in most areas of my life.  The 14 years of inadequate monitoring and
always being made aware that I had this dreaded disease, that I "shouldn't" do
this, that or the other thing because of it, set down some serious patterns of
inflexibility that have been very hard for me to shed.  Not that a certain
amount of structure isn't good!  It's just that the ability to live
spontaneously and with a "care-free" attitude eluded me for so long that there
are times today when I "let go" that I feel guilty!!!   (You know, guilt is
the gift that keeps on giving.)  I feel my childhood was snatched away from
me; while initially it was novel having diabetes, and I was the center of
attention immediately after my diagnosis (at home and at school), pretty soon
I got pretty doggone tired of following those rules we had.  And the
"technology" of clinitest (I still dislike the color orange!) and single daily
injections was no picnic, that's for sure!

We've come a long way and now have tremendous tools (i.e., the pump) to help
young diabetic children remain somewhat carefree; never in a million years
would I wish this dreaded disease on anyone.  In fact, the old ways are so
ingrained, sometimes I get overwhelmed just thinking about what it could
possibly be like if there was a cure, to never again think about what my blood
sugar's doing, having to worry about changing an infusion set, or how many
weeks of supplies remain in my closet?  By God's good grace, I hope to find

Take care.

Kathy Fagan
Dx 10/68, pumping 12/82
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