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[IP] Vent Over Due

Hi All

I just have to get some things off my chest which has been bugging me and 
getting me down lately and realized that this is one of the only places I 
could turn that someone may feel or understand what I am thinking of.  Not 
to long ago I had someone ask me what I thought Diabetes has taken from 
me.  Before they asked me this I never really gave it much thought because 
I have been keeping busy and trying not to ask myself that same question.

For those of you that don't know me that well.  I am 23 and was Dx'd with 
diabetes in 1992.  I am working as a Pediatric Nurse and see some things 
that kids have to go threw and think I should not be feeling this way 
because there are so many others which are going threw much worse times 
than I am.  I am grateful that I was not Dx'd at a younger age, But I still 
feel that I had allot taken away when I was Dx'd  I am not missing anything 
physical I am still in perfect health considering D.  What I came to find 
out when I started to answer this question that I was asked is that 
Diabetes has taken part of my childhood away as well as my young 
adulthood.  From the day that I found out that I had D I lost that "care 
free" thinking that ever child has.  From that day forward I watched 
everything I did and constantly worried what might happen later on.   I 
even thought of going low during fun times and games.  Even those "care 
free" holidays became a very big stress in my life even if I did hide it 
from my family, friends, and myself.  As I got into high school and college 
I found that I was not "acting" like others my age.  Ever since I became 
Diabetic I have matured MUCH faster and than others and I think that is one 
of the curses which Diabetes has had on me and me alone.   In the past I 
have tried to experience some of the things the people around me have done 
Like drinking but I came to find out very fast that my "situation" of being 
diabetic just made the people around me VERY stressed out because I was 
drinking and I could not feel any effects of the drinks because of my stress.

I know that my diabetes has taken that one thing I wish I still had and 
that is my "care free" attitude I had on life back before 1992. I can 
handle the reticule which I face now and then as well as the comments, and 
everything else Diabetes requires of me since it has already taken the one 
thing I valued the most.

I look around these days and see all the kids and see how they act and play 
and well do what kids do and see that they don't think twice about how they 
take that for granted and that reminds me of how much I have lost. (if that 
makes any since)

I do know that diabetes has given me insight and maturity, as well as other 
things which I draw on every day to get by.

Sorry to keep rambling its now almost 6am and I need to try and get some 
sleep so I will let you all go.

thanks for hearing me out on the subject.

Brian Carter
email @ redacted
ICQ # 27217438
http://members.home.net/a-pumper/  *NEW*
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