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Re: [IP] Depression and Diabetes

Sorry this is gonna be kinda long...

I was planning on writing this post in a few days once I had met with a 
therapist, but what the hey, I know what I'm going through.  As it is 
becoming more clear to me, my headaches were caused by TMJ, which was 
aggravated by an increased anxiety/stress level... The timing of all this was 
when I began pumping (or realizing I REALLY was going to)
I have realized all of this "timing" on my own, and until a few days ago 
figured it was as simple as  the extra thought that I am giving to my pump 
and the food I eat etc.  I spoke briefly to my primary care doc (who is the 
one supervising all my tests and specialists) and she made a glaringly 
obvious statement that I now acknowledge and am working on dealing with.  I 
lived my entire life (24 of my almost 25 year life) where I essentially was 
in a denial about my diabetes.  Now at first that sounds really odd to me, 
because I never flat out denied it, nor did I do any severe things to hurt 
myself with my insulin.   But I definitely did avoid thinking realistically 
about how I could be hurting myself in the long run.  Like many others on 
this list (I assume) I would go weeks or months sometimes without testing my 
sugar (unless I felt low) and based all my insulin decisions on how I felt 
and if I had eaten a lot or a little.   I suppose I also never really 
believed that I would live to have a full life.  I would tell others all the 
wonderful things that are being done in the world of research and remind 
others that diabetics can live full happy healthy lives if they take care of 
themselves.  I think the pump (the process of deciding to get one and using 
it to help control my sugars) has made me aware that I AM going to live to 90 
(or 102 like my great-grandpop) and that I need to get up and start living 
the rest of my life that way too.  

I don't know if this will be relevant to anyone, but it was so important a 
realization for me I had to share... and share the underlying causes for my 
headaches too.  For me (someone who has always been disorganized etc.)  my 
pump signifies much more... and I guess I just want others to kind of be 
aware of the psychological aspects of this change of life.   I'm sure none of 
this information would have convinced me that I had been in any kind of 
denial before, but maybe it will help someone explain somethinggoing on in 
their life. 
Sorry for being so long winded...

IDDM 23 3/4 years
24 years old 
pumping blue minimed since 3/07/00
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