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Re: [IP] 1st "Pumping" A1c

> Something strange happened last night though.  
> I was lying in bed next to Laura; she was 
> sleeping.  I started to cry.  Cry because I 
> was happy she had such a great number, happy 
> that we got a good "report card", anxious that
> we have to do as good if not better in three 
> months, sad that my baby will have to live with 
> this "report card" every three months for the 
> rest of her life, sad that I won't be around 
> forever to help her, anxious that she meets
> someone special who will....  Then I looked 
> down at Laura and saw this tubing come out of 
> her underwear and got sick.  That was the first 
> time that happened to me.  To see this little 
> girl attached to this THING...ugh!  But that 
> THING is saving her life!!!!  I just thought it 
> was weird that I felt this way on what should 
> have been such a happy day.
That's not strange, that's normal.  My mother cried when 
she walked into the hospital room and saw me lying there 
40 pounds lighter than I was when she'd last seen me 
only 3 months refore.  She wept about not letting me eat 
enough sweets as a kid, and how she shouldn't have 
risked having children knowing about granpdpa's 
pancreatic cancer.  

As warming as that show of emotion was, it planted the 
seed for what would grow into a complex later on.  Part 
of the reason my control was so poor for many years was 
that I was trying to show my mother that "everythings 
okay" and I can be "normal" and that she doesn't have to 

All I can say to make YOU feel better is that at the 
rate things are going, in 20 years or so diabetes will 
just be something you get checked up on every year or 

For HER, I'd say be careful not to let her fall into the 
same pit I did.  Because for every bit as much as I know 
you love her.  She loves you all the more.  First off, 
the nomenclature of "report card" implies that if it 
comes up a bad number it's "her fault" when it may not 
necessarily be.

Bah... I'm sorry, I don't know where I'm going with this 
thread, I've been really emotional myself lately...  I 
had my first 300+ reading in several weeks this morning 
and I find myself beating myself up for it even though I 
look at my diet records and my insulin doses and BGCs 
and can't see ANYTHING to cause it.  Plus my mom decided 
now would be a good time to bring up some old and 
ferocious skeletons from the closet last week and that's 
got me loopy.

*sigh* I dunno... My head is as defective as the rest of 
my body.  I should write a letter to the manufacturer...

-Sara G. (Dear God-  What's up? -Sara)

> Thanks for listening.  I guess I'll never be truly 
happy as long as she has
> diabetes but I'll do my best for her.
> Laura Lentini-Iaffaldano, New York
> Mother of Laura, age 6, dxed 12/21/98
> Pumping on MM508 since 1/11/00
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