[Previous Months][Date Index][Thread Index][Join - Register][Login]
[Message Prev][Message Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next]

Re: [IP] Rude comments (continued)

email @ redacted wrote:

> Well, here is the latest verbal assult on me and my daughter.  I had my 13
> year old daughter spend the night at a friend's house the other night.
> Because she has had severe lows and has had a seizure (although not on the
> pump), I briefed this friend on emergency procedures, the glucagon kit, and
> what to do in the unlikely event of a seizure.  She was kind of quiet by the
> end of the 15 minute briefing, and I wondered if she was somehow shocked or
> uncomfortable by how we live as a diabetic family.  The overnight stay was
> uneventful, and she took my daughter to school with her kids the next
> morning.  That evening I called her up to say thanks again for having her,
> and she said something like this;  "I really like your daughter so much. But
> she is just like you, so intense.  She devotes too much energy to her
> diabetes when she doesn't have to do that.  She has 2 parents who can do that
> for her."  Aside from the inaccuracy of the remark, it was a mean spirited
> criticism that I was unprepared for.  When people finally get an idea of the
> work involved in being a diabetic family (which by the way we have done quite
> successfully), they usually are surprized, empathetic and respectful of how
> well we really are doing.  I asked my daughter if anything unusual happened
> during her stay, and she said no.  Why the hell did this woman take such a
> shot at me and my daughter?  All we can think of is a desire to put me and my
> kids down, because we have smoother relationships in our family, and my kids
> are more attractive than hers!  And diabetes was an irresistable opportunity
> to throw salt in a highly vulnerable area - to make herself feel better.
> Diabetes is a new source of vulnerability isn't it?
> Pissed Off and Ready to "Give the Bum's Rush"

Sitting here, it's very easy to play devil's advocate...

I've seen both sides (diabetes related), having problems and needing to take
action to "rescue" someone else.

In the extreme she may have felt over-whelmed with the possible responsibility
for your daughter's life.  Initially all (I'm assuming) she agreed to was your
daughter spending the night.

I've heard similar comments about the intensity and focusing too much on the
diabetes.  It's can be very difficult for someone to see all the actions and
still ignore that fact that on a daily basis we are "actively keeping ourselves

I ask the following not as a challenge but as a "learning experience" that could
be over-Whelming....
    1. Are you willing to look at your anger that was triggered by her comments.
    2. Be willing to listen to her feelings about the sleep over - both before
and after
        the "lesson".
    3. Be willing to accept her feelings as just that HER's - whether you agree
with them
        or not.

And as a final and probably most important question.

And if your answer to this last question is NO, the first 3 (and any additional
that may come up) can be permanently filed in the circular file cabinet (also
known as the trash)...

Jim S.
email @ redacted

It's very easy to blame others for what I am feeling and difficult to take
responsibility for those same feelings..........

for HELP or to subscribe/unsubscribe, contact: HELP@insulin-pumpers.org
send a DONATION http://www.Insulin-Pumpers.org/donate.shtml