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[IP] Pixie's fears

> I'm developing an almost
> obsessive-compulsive habit of forcing myself to stay under 35 units a day.
> I'll go as far as to skip meals to stay under or at 30. If I hit over 33,
> feel terrible and worry that I'm eating too much, the wrong foods, ect and
> I take a 10 CHO/1 unit ratio, with 10.7 of it being basal. My endo
> doesn't care how much I pump in as long as I'm not under 60 or over 120 at
> any time but even if it takes 3 extra units to get there, I fret and kick
> myself around mentally for being a "bad" diabetic. I'm also very fat and
> protein senstive and exercise sensitive so it seems I'm in a constant
> with my body somedays to be perfect. My family tries to convine me it's ok
> to use over 30 units a day but I don't agree. I even limit my carbs
severly just to avoid
> bolusing over my mentally ideal # for the 24 hr period. I worry alot
> about how much I bolus and for what.
> Pixie

<Parts of the above were snipped for brevity>
I know you want to have a baby. Please don't become one who with an
obsessive-compulsive disorder on top of MODY/pumping and all you have to
consider for *just living.* Don't add to it.  I know you are barely (if at
all) 5' tall and a lightweight. Worry is like a rocking chair - it will give
you something to do, but you don't get anywhere! Why spend lovely sunrises
and sunsets worrying about your intake. Worry can bring on new problems that
are psychologically-induced. One hundred years from now it isn't going to
make any difference. In 50 years will you look back and say, "I should
have..." whatever. Appreciate your life and those who care about you who
want you to relax and live more. You have freedom with your tether.  You are
NOT going to reach perfection no matter how hard you try - or that your endo
wants you always be between 60-120. Ahhh, that we all could accomplish such
numbers!!!  YMMV - mine does.
Jan (60 y/o, T-1 11/5/50,. pmpg 8/23/83)

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