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[IP] Fwd: just wanted to share this


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Diagnosed in March of 1985.  Thirteen years of my life have now been spent
living, coping, and dealing with insulin-dependent diabetes.

It wears on me.  It does harm to my body.  It is always with me.

All I can think is how easy my life would be if I did not have diabetes.  For
no diabetes would mean a life free of testing, site changes, and carb
counting.  Reactions would not occur.  Little worry of a problem pregnancy.
Complications would not be a factor.

Instead all I can do is have the best management I can.  This does not come
easy nor does it come without a price.  Instead it requires a diligence in
care, a regimen to uphold, ranges to reach.

So, what happens when I am out of range?  If I am low I act drunk, am
completely out of it, and am very in need of glucose.  If I am high I do not
feel great and am irritable.  What gets me is when my bloodsugar level does
not make sense.  It is the most frustrating thing.  Especially when I have not
done anything wrong and when I am trying.

The DCCT applauds tight control.  Though the real question is, do people
really understand what it means to have this tight control?  All I know is
that it is not easy.  It is demanding, challenging, and difficult.  Even with
tight control 40% of those people will develop complications.  Where is the

All I want is someone to hold me, to comfort me, and say:  "Denise, it will be
okay."  Unfortunately no one can as my future and the role diabetes will have
is uncertain.  I can hope for a payoff for tight control but there is no

What do I want?

A life without diabetes.

Unfortunately for me that will always be a dream.

Denise Gordon
April 5, 1998

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